Love can be painful. It’s not intended to be such, but when you allow a person into your heart and mind long enough, they become intimately knowledgeable about all the things that make you tick—if they’re paying even a modicum of attention. And, when it becomes clear that your relationship is over, they have the ability to push those buttons—if they choose—and make a tough situation more difficult to bear.
Keeping that in mind, it’s up to you to decide the type of person you wish to be when it comes time to release yourself from a relationship.
Do you want to be the mature, respectable, adult who takes the high-road and refuses to stoop to their level? Or do you want to embroil yourself in an emotional war where, quite frankly, everyone loses?
The decision can be tougher to make than some think because, while it’s easy to have someone tell you to be the bigger person, no one can possibly understand what you’re going through. None can say for sure that they would do things differently because they aren’t standing in your shoes—these are your decisions, based on your experiences, and no one should feel fit to judge you for how you handle your pain.
However, in attempting to move forward, you have to become aware of when your desire to hurt said person overcomes your desire to heal—if you can’t heal, you can’t move on.
The most important thing you can do for yourself is allow the healing process to happen—however it happens. If that means you give yourself a 6-month pity party—go ahead. Love is not something that goes away simply because the person does. You are mourning the death of a relationship that, at some point, meant everything to you.
You deserve time to come to grips with that fact. Even still, don’t place yourself in wreckless situations that could possibly lead to regrets later.
Own your pain, find a way to mend your heart, and trust in the possibilities that lie ahead—your life is not over—and, eventually, you will be fine.