It’s impossible to live a lie for very long. At some point you have to address the issues around you for what they are and try to bring the truth into focus. It won’t matter that beneath the surface there lies a mountain of pain or that neither you, nor the involved party—assuming there is one—are ready to accept the truth. The ultimate goal, for you, will be to find peace.
Peace of mind, peace in heart, and peace for the soul you’ve neglected for so long by living in a way that’s untrue to what you believe is the best version of yourself.
The trouble with love and relationships is that so many of us feel the need to give away the most important parts of what makes us who we are, so that we can co-exist with another. While compromise is always necessary where love (and to some extent friendship) is concerned, sacrifice should not be— there is a difference between the two.
However, when companionship is wanted, needed, we do what we feel we must to make it happen—we go outside of our character. We make changes because we feel it’s better to be broken than alone. But, ask yourself this: is it worse to be alone with your self-respect and dignity, or broken but with someone?
A person that loves you, cares for you, and wants what’s best for you, WILL NOT let you compromise who you are to be with them—they will love you for and, sometimes, in spite of those things, and you will work together to find a place for those parts within your relationship. You won’t have to choose—and you shouldn’t.
Despite what people tell you, two halves don’t make a relationship whole—you should be able to bring all of yourself to the table when you make the decision to turn over your heart. If that’s not possible, step away—no matter how much it hurts.