What About Your Friends?

You are reborn as a woman once you become a mother. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that our view of the world changes the moment we look into our child’s eyes and know that we are responsible for the success of that life. For me, at least, it was an overwhelming moment of excitement, love, and fear because there had been nothing in my life, prior to that point, that could have prepared me for the utter helplessness I felt at that moment.

It’s an amazing feeling that I have been blessed to experience twice, and it’s something that I often tell friends they have to go through personally to understand.

That said, many of us find that in becoming this new person—oft times as a result of childbirth or marriage—with new responsibilities, and a more focused sense of purpose, we feel pressured to re-evaluate the place others hold in our lives—particularly where friendships with single, childless, individuals are concerned.

Some of us automatically come to the conclusion that those people are no longer relevant in our lives in the way they were before, and we slowly—sometimes without intention—begin to eliminate them from our inner circle. We either forget how to be their friend, or assume they no longer want to be friends with us.

It’s a mistake that is often made and, more times than not, those friendships are impossible to repair once they’re broken.

Understand this, just because a person has chosen to live a life devoid of a spouse, a child, or both, that does not mean they will be unwilling to accept your new life, and your new experiences in that life.

Any person who has been with you through the good and the bad will likely be game for an adjustment in how your friendship is defined and they will, hopefully, be open to taking the steps it requires to respect the “death” of the carefree, unrestricted person that you were in order to  get acquainted with the harried, slightly flaky person you are likely to become. So you, in turn, should make the effort to be inclusive and allow them the chance to show you how much of your new world they want to be a part of before you make the decision to exclude them altogether.

If they are willing to bend and work with you, and the new demands in your life (demands that will often make calling, spending time with, and being a good friend to them difficult from time to time), then you will find that your friendship will grow and become an even more rewarding part of your new life.

However, if they pull away and distance themselves from you, then you know they weren’t meant to continue the journey with you, and you will have to bid them a painful goodbye.

Either way, it takes two to make a friendship work, so don’t leave your friend without a say. Good friends don’t do such things.


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