The only man who truly knows me and my heart is God and, although I give my all to being a wife and mother, I can accept that one truth about myself for what it is and not feel guilty about it.
Some might say that it’s impossible to be truly whole or meaningful as a wife, mother, friend, etc., if you’re only giving 76 percent of who you are to those around you—hell I might be inclined to agree with that statement—but here’s what you have to think about.: If you’re giving the best 76 percent you can give—flaws and all—isn’t that better than allowing the 24 percent that’s useless, negative, and unfocused into the picture?
See, the one thing I’ve noticed, at least about myself, is that I feel at my best when I am giving my best. The Negative Nancy within me doesn’t serve as anything more than an unhealthy distraction to the woman I strive so hard to be each day. A woman who loves God, loves her family, and still dreams of a life filled with all the happiness that a woman like that deserves.
The life I have is filled to the brim with beauty, even in its imperfections, and I don’t want to taint it with the pieces that don’t fit my now. The pieces still left from a past that wasn’t always painted with pretty colors and sunny days.
Yes, I have learned from every experience, yes those experiences are a part of me, and no I wouldn’t trade one second of any of it for a life filled with more smiles and triumph, but life is just as much about progression as it is about learning lessons and, as we learn, we want to be able to move forward and evolve into the beautiful beings God created us to be; the kind of women and men who make the devil angry simply by opening our eyes in the morning.
So, it’s not so much that I want to give less as it is I can see the value in giving more with less.
That 76 percent may not be the total package, but it’s the very best of what God has blessed me with, for the moment, as He and I work together on that other 24.