Building a relationship is difficult. It’s particularly difficult when you’ve been burned because you’re no longer able to trust as easily as you once did and, as a result, you close yourself off. Why? Well, that’s simple, you don’t want to be hurt again, but it’s the layers beneath that which makes it so hard to accept love in your world again.
Once you’ve been hurt, you are forced to rediscover yourself within this new persona—this persona of a person who has been hurt and left scarred by another—and then you have to decide if the new person you’ve become is ready to do it all over again with someone else.
Most people reach for the natural defense mechanism of putting up a wall as high as the one they built at Jericho and saying, ‘okay, if you want in, then let me see you knock these walls down’, only then are they willing to give this potential love interest the opportunity to have an honest conversation with them about what they want and how much they are willing to give in return.
I’ve been there, I’ve done that, and I can tell you without question that this mechanism, this approach to surrendering yourself to love again, serves only one purpose—to make certain that you never find any type of happiness whatsoever.
The natural order of things suggests that anything worth having is worth working hard for, so it’s not unusual to understand that one who possesses a beleagured heart might believe that any individual who wants a piece of their heart should be willing to walk through fire to get it.
However, the truth is, when love is real, when it’s truly something of value, you don’t have the desire to put it through those types of gyrations. You will welcome it freely—despite the possibility of being hurt all over again—because it feels good.
We have all, to some degree, experienced the pain of a relationship gone wrong, but it’s our ability to recover from that experience that sets the bar for our next venture into love. But, be cautious, don’t expect the person, for whom you next fall, to have all the answers on how to fix you—they will try, but they cannot possibly do it alone. It’s up to you to guide them.
You have to be willing to give enough of yourself to them that they will be able to find the pieces that are broken and, together, help you mend them and, in some cases, replace them altogether. That’s a journey for you and them to take as a couple.
If you’re not ready to do that, then you’re not only doing a disservice to your heart, but to theirs as well.