Sex Is Not A Dirty Word

People often think that married couples, particularly those with children, have lives that are akin to those couples you see in movies like “Date Night”. Everything is planned, down to the when and where, and there is no spontanaeity whatsoever. Well, that might be how it is for some, but I’m here to attest that not every couple operates in that way.

Children complicate the schedule in only one way: they make your opportunities for alone time more difficult to find. That said, there is still alone time to be had and you can do some divine things in those moments if you’re focused and determined.

The most important thing to remember is that this man/woman is the same hot, sexy, individual you married—assuming you married for the right reason—and unless something has changed in you that makes your relationship more difficult to appreciate, you should still find yourself willing to do whatever you can to maximize the time you have together.

I took a quiz on WebMD’s site the other day and was, I have to admit, a bit shocked to find that most married couples have sex on average about 66 times—a year. Do the math, that’s about five times a month or roughly once or twice a week. That’s surprising when you consider how sexually driven our society has become and even more telling is how that stat reveals the overall lack of intimacy in relationships these days.

Now, keeping this stat in mind, I’ll be honest and say that my addiction to being fit has as much to do with my husband giving me a long glance as I stroll past him in a pair of tight fitting jeans as it does my need to feel and be healthy. I mean, seriously, what woman doesn’t like to look as phenomenal as she can no matter what she’s wearing? Those Pilates and Zumba classes aren’t full for nothing!

But, I digress.

The point I’m trying to make is relationships/marriage is hard as hell. On the best day, you’re only working half as hard to keep the fire alive. That said, the intimacy (and intimacy does not always mean sex) is a huge part of what makes things work. You have to establish and keep that connection with the one you love .

Watch a movie, exercise together, go out, or just lay down on the sofa and talk to each other at the end of the day. You’d be surprised at the difference these things make.

My husband spends a lot of time on the road for work, but we make the brief conversations we have as meaningful as we can and a beautiful text message goes a long way, too. You have to make the effort to pause and just say “I love you” or “How was your day, love?” None of these things should be hard to do if your relationship was built and remains standing on a firm foundation.

Bottom line is, if you love the one you’re with, you make it work. Forget the obstacles and the sure disagreements you are certain to have at various points in your relationship, at the end of the day—it may sound corny but—it’s all about our love for each other. We start from that point and navigating the rest gets a bit easier.

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